Am I a changed woman, or is this just a phase?

When I was 14 I wanted to be President of the United States. At 16 I thought I’d die if I didn’t get into Yale, and two years ago my greatest dream was to be a White House correspondent for the Washington Post.

For a long time, ambition was a way of life for me. I constantly aimed for the highest rung of whatever ladder I happened to be on.

Although my wildest dreams didn’t always come true, my determination definitely led me to be successful in other ways; perfect grades in high school and an impressive resume right out of college. But I had another goal that came not so much from my ambitious side, but from my adventurous side. I wanted to live in Europe, even if only for a short time.

The gods smiled on me, and with a lot of support from my family, I packed up and moved to France for my last semester of college. There I had the opportunity to slow down and enjoy life a little more. Their culture is filled with simple joys (like spending Sunday afternoons at the open-air market) and incredible beauty (enormous, green urban parks peppered with bright flowers and couples in love).

When I returned to the U.S., I knew something in me had changed. But I didn’t know what it was, and had no idea which direction I should be moving in. But it was obvious that I was no longer on a ladder, going up. Instead I seemed to be staring down the entrance to a maze.

In the absence of any professional goals, I still needed to move forward with my life somehow. I remember very clearly having lunch with my dad at The Raven and he made a brilliant suggestion. Move to a place where I really wanted to be, and figure the rest out later. That’s how I ended up in Seattle.

I suppose my ambition has surfaced in other ways. I spent six months saving enough money to move here. Then I set out to find a job, an apartment and new friends. It’s taken a lot of work to build the life that I have here, but it’s been fun and I’m very proud of what I’ve accomplished.

So far, anyway … there’s still more to be done. Dating, pull-ups and more work are all on my agenda.

When I began this post, I was trying to figure out if my ambitious side had gone away forever, or if this is just a phase. But as I write I see that it’s alive and well inside of me. I’m just channeling it in different ways. Instead of aspiring to be something great, I’m aspiring to enjoy my life in my own way.

And right now that means working nights, waiting tables, drinking wine, chatting up strangers and finding the people who are going to become my family in Seattle.

I think I am a changed woman, but my very core is still made up of the same stuff. I haven’t changed instruments, I’m just playing a different song.