When I was 14 I wanted to be President of the United States. At 16 I thought I’d die if I didn’t get into Yale, and two years ago my greatest dream was to be a White House correspondent for the Washington Post.
For a long time, ambition was a way of life for me. I constantly aimed for the highest rung of whatever ladder I happened to be on.
Although my wildest dreams didn’t always come true, my determination definitely led me to be successful in other ways; perfect grades in high school and an impressive resume right out of college. But I had another goal that came not so much from my ambitious side, but from my adventurous side. I wanted to live in Europe, even if only for a short time.
The gods smiled on me, and with a lot of support from my family, I packed up and moved to France for my last semester of college. There I had the opportunity to slow down and enjoy life a little more. Their culture is filled with simple joys (like spending Sunday afternoons at the open-air market) and incredible beauty (enormous, green urban parks peppered with bright flowers and couples in love).
When I returned to the U.S., I knew something in me had changed. But I didn’t know what it was, and had no idea which direction I should be moving in. But it was obvious that I was no longer on a ladder, going up. Instead I seemed to be staring down the entrance to a maze.
In the absence of any professional goals, I still needed to move forward with my life somehow. I remember very clearly having lunch with my dad at The Raven and he made a brilliant suggestion. Move to a place where I really wanted to be, and figure the rest out later. That’s how I ended up in Seattle.
I suppose my ambition has surfaced in other ways. I spent six months saving enough money to move here. Then I set out to find a job, an apartment and new friends. It’s taken a lot of work to build the life that I have here, but it’s been fun and I’m very proud of what I’ve accomplished.
So far, anyway … there’s still more to be done. Dating, pull-ups and more work are all on my agenda.
When I began this post, I was trying to figure out if my ambitious side had gone away forever, or if this is just a phase. But as I write I see that it’s alive and well inside of me. I’m just channeling it in different ways. Instead of aspiring to be something great, I’m aspiring to enjoy my life in my own way.
And right now that means working nights, waiting tables, drinking wine, chatting up strangers and finding the people who are going to become my family in Seattle.
I think I am a changed woman, but my very core is still made up of the same stuff. I haven’t changed instruments, I’m just playing a different song.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Happening in Arizona: something big
A few months ago, when the Cardinals beat the Seahawks here in Seattle, I received a few hate texts from local football fanatics. I just shrugged and said, "I was never a Cardinals fan when I lived in Arizona, why should I start now?"
Well, those guys have given me, and everyone else in the Zone, a reason to wear red.
While perusing facebook last night almost all my friends from Arizona had changed their status updates to reflect excitement or disbelief at the Cardinals' victory. Several people made comments along the lines that they didn't like that suddenly people were interested in football. The term "fair weather fans" was used.
I say, who cares? As a true underdog team, their winning is luring new fans. That's good for the sport, and good for the camaraderie of all Arizonans.
When I was in second grade, I had a crush on a boy in my class. One day at lunch he had a football with the Cardinals' emblem on it and I tried to talk to him about it. He brushed me off. "The Cardinals suck," he said. "No offense." They pretty much continued to suck for years after that exchange.
My knowledge of football could fit in a single short latte cup, so I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, here. But I think this is about more than football as a game. It's about an Arizona team giving us something to be proud of. (I use the term "us" loosely as I am no longer an Arizona resident. But I was born and raised there and I lived there for a total of 23 years. So you bet your ass I'm going to be cheering for the Cards on Feb. 1.)
Since moving to Seattle, I've been impressed with how fiercely proud the locals are of their city and its modern history. From music, to coffee to basketball Seattleites like to stand behind their city and its champions. The same is not true for Phoenix.
But maybe ... just maybe ... the Cardinals are going to turn that around.
PS The Cardinals were awesome yesterday, and so was the photo desk at The Arizona Republic. Check out these photos of the game: http://www.azcentral.com/closeup/articles/0119spt-closeupcardswinnfc.html
Well, those guys have given me, and everyone else in the Zone, a reason to wear red.
While perusing facebook last night almost all my friends from Arizona had changed their status updates to reflect excitement or disbelief at the Cardinals' victory. Several people made comments along the lines that they didn't like that suddenly people were interested in football. The term "fair weather fans" was used.
I say, who cares? As a true underdog team, their winning is luring new fans. That's good for the sport, and good for the camaraderie of all Arizonans.
When I was in second grade, I had a crush on a boy in my class. One day at lunch he had a football with the Cardinals' emblem on it and I tried to talk to him about it. He brushed me off. "The Cardinals suck," he said. "No offense." They pretty much continued to suck for years after that exchange.
My knowledge of football could fit in a single short latte cup, so I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, here. But I think this is about more than football as a game. It's about an Arizona team giving us something to be proud of. (I use the term "us" loosely as I am no longer an Arizona resident. But I was born and raised there and I lived there for a total of 23 years. So you bet your ass I'm going to be cheering for the Cards on Feb. 1.)
Since moving to Seattle, I've been impressed with how fiercely proud the locals are of their city and its modern history. From music, to coffee to basketball Seattleites like to stand behind their city and its champions. The same is not true for Phoenix.
But maybe ... just maybe ... the Cardinals are going to turn that around.
PS The Cardinals were awesome yesterday, and so was the photo desk at The Arizona Republic. Check out these photos of the game: http://www.azcentral.com/closeup/articles/0119spt-closeupcardswinnfc.html
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The truth about Seattle
I love Seattle. But it is really hard to meet people here.
Stand-offish, passive-aggressive, reserved, shy and introverted are the words I hear most when describing Seattleites. There's definitely some truth to that ... I've had a harder time meeting people here than any other place I've lived (Northern Arizona, Phoenix, France).
But despite the sometimes up-hill battle to make friends, after nine months I feel like I've met some great people. I was out socializing every night last week, except Thursday when I chose to stay in with Liz Lemon and Earl Hickey.
Sunday night I had a date with another outsider who described Seattle as "cliquey." I've decided I need to find a guy who is as pro-Seattle as myself. And pro-coffee. That night I had drinks with Danelle, Jinny and Rick. Danelle has become my workout buddy, skin care consultant and a great confidant. We love to girl it up every once in a while and it's great to have such a cheerful, level-headed person in my life.
Monday was the annual holiday party for work that involved way too much alcohol. Lesson learned: Don't drink on an empty stomach. My new gal pal Cassandra helped me get through the night. She's a riot and - like me, I think - a woman in transition.
Tuesday night it was dead at work so Libby kicked Matt and I off the clock pretty early. We ended up visiting Ted on Capitol Hill, wasting time in the greeting card aisle at QFC and finishing the night at the Ballroom where Matt graciously let me drag him into the photo booth.
Hanging out with Matt reminded me of being with my two best guy friends from the old days. (I'm referring, of course to the venerable Michael Famiglietti and the controversial Macy Hanson.) I love Ted for his enthusiasm (for food, Vegas, travel) and because he's a great person to have on your side. He helped me get to the airport when Seattle was covered in snow and ice right before Christmas.
Wednesday Cassandra and I planned a night of drinking wine at my place and ended up meeting Steve and Rick at the cool, divey bar near my apartment. We played pool, boys against girls (we lost, three times.) Steve (whom I affectionately refer to as Stevie) has a big-brotherly appeal and is a good guy. Rick is my go-to guy for all things Seattle. We also like the same kinds of music, his knowledge of which seems encyclopedic to me. He's gotten me into a ton of new bands since I moved here.
On Saturday my wonderful Uncle Gavin took me to "breakfast" at 3 p.m. since I'd just woken up and that's all I wanted to eat. I've met a whole host of interesting, cool and creative people through him ... namely the divine Fravel and Sniffy (real names, Lisa and Stephany) and Tina M., who has brains, attitude and style.
My older brother says I have a talent for finding good people when I go someplace new. I don't know. Sometimes I think they find me.
Stand-offish, passive-aggressive, reserved, shy and introverted are the words I hear most when describing Seattleites. There's definitely some truth to that ... I've had a harder time meeting people here than any other place I've lived (Northern Arizona, Phoenix, France).
But despite the sometimes up-hill battle to make friends, after nine months I feel like I've met some great people. I was out socializing every night last week, except Thursday when I chose to stay in with Liz Lemon and Earl Hickey.
Sunday night I had a date with another outsider who described Seattle as "cliquey." I've decided I need to find a guy who is as pro-Seattle as myself. And pro-coffee. That night I had drinks with Danelle, Jinny and Rick. Danelle has become my workout buddy, skin care consultant and a great confidant. We love to girl it up every once in a while and it's great to have such a cheerful, level-headed person in my life.
Monday was the annual holiday party for work that involved way too much alcohol. Lesson learned: Don't drink on an empty stomach. My new gal pal Cassandra helped me get through the night. She's a riot and - like me, I think - a woman in transition.
Tuesday night it was dead at work so Libby kicked Matt and I off the clock pretty early. We ended up visiting Ted on Capitol Hill, wasting time in the greeting card aisle at QFC and finishing the night at the Ballroom where Matt graciously let me drag him into the photo booth.
Hanging out with Matt reminded me of being with my two best guy friends from the old days. (I'm referring, of course to the venerable Michael Famiglietti and the controversial Macy Hanson.) I love Ted for his enthusiasm (for food, Vegas, travel) and because he's a great person to have on your side. He helped me get to the airport when Seattle was covered in snow and ice right before Christmas.
Wednesday Cassandra and I planned a night of drinking wine at my place and ended up meeting Steve and Rick at the cool, divey bar near my apartment. We played pool, boys against girls (we lost, three times.) Steve (whom I affectionately refer to as Stevie) has a big-brotherly appeal and is a good guy. Rick is my go-to guy for all things Seattle. We also like the same kinds of music, his knowledge of which seems encyclopedic to me. He's gotten me into a ton of new bands since I moved here.
On Saturday my wonderful Uncle Gavin took me to "breakfast" at 3 p.m. since I'd just woken up and that's all I wanted to eat. I've met a whole host of interesting, cool and creative people through him ... namely the divine Fravel and Sniffy (real names, Lisa and Stephany) and Tina M., who has brains, attitude and style.
My older brother says I have a talent for finding good people when I go someplace new. I don't know. Sometimes I think they find me.
An experiment in creative non-fiction
It came to me as I was lying awake the other night. I suck at writing fiction. I've tried so many times to create characters, develop plots and master the art of rising tension. I've started hundreds of short stories and novels, but have never finished anything I could say I was proud of.
But I've always had a knack for recording and sharing what's happening - in my life or the world at large. I started keeping a journal about the time I was able to write my first complete sentence. I'm a trained journalist and I worked in newspaper reporting, where accuracy is more important than baby blood.
So I'm giving up on fiction for a while, I'll leave it to the people who are actually good at it. For now, I'm just going to tell it like it is.
But I've always had a knack for recording and sharing what's happening - in my life or the world at large. I started keeping a journal about the time I was able to write my first complete sentence. I'm a trained journalist and I worked in newspaper reporting, where accuracy is more important than baby blood.
So I'm giving up on fiction for a while, I'll leave it to the people who are actually good at it. For now, I'm just going to tell it like it is.
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